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Thread: Your favorite Buddhist jokes!

  1. #1

    Your favorite Buddhist jokes!

    Just adding some lightheartedness to the forums!

    If my Chihuahua lays his head in my lap during Meditation practice is that...

    Dog 'n' Zazen?

    And the classic favorite of most:

    What does a Zen cow say?

    Mu.


    -Xander

  2. #2
    What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

  3. #3
    Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? ?
    A: None, they are the light bulb.)


    Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Three -- one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change- and not-change it.


    Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Tree falling in the forest.

    Take care,
    Jordan

  4. #4
    What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
    M.T. Ness

    How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
    A man who is at two with the universe

  5. #5
    From the Daily Show, I present to you some dark humor: Bodhisattva Bush

    Funnily enough, probably the least misconception-ridden presentation of Buddhism I've ever seen on national television. He even does a proper gassho!

    Speaking of which,

    Gassho.

  6. #6
    Justin, that was hilarious. Thanks for the link

  7. #7
    A student asks his master, "what happens after we die?"

    The Master answers,"I don't know."

    The student becomes frustrated and says. "I thought you where a Zen Master!"

    The Master replies, "I am, but not a dead Zen Master."

  8. #8
    What did the Buddhist say to the Hot Dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
    What did the vendor say when the Buddhist asked for his change?
    'Change comes from within.'

  9. #9
    Dear All,

    I love these jokes but, 'oh my Gautama,' some of these are as old as the Buddha ... and I don't mean Shakyamuni Buddha. I mean the Buddha two Kalpas before him.

    Okay, let me try one Zen joke:




    How was that?

    G, J

  10. #10
    :lol:
    Justin, I've always loved the daily show! that was a hilarious piece.
    But, Jundo's joke actually made me laugh out loud!

    -Xander

  11. #11

  12. #12

  13. #13
    Not a buddhist joke but is in Osho's "Buddha his life and teachings"

    The pope heard that a certain lady in Ireland had produced ten children, so he sent one of his cardinals to grant her his blessings. When he met the lady, the cardinal was disgusted to learn that she was not Catholic. "DO YOU MEAN TO SAY," he thundered, "that I have COME ALL THIS WAY TO MEET A SEX-MAD PROTESTANT?"

  14. #14
    A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you."
    So I didn't.

  15. #15
    Q- What does it mean if the Buddhist is drooling out of both corners of his mouth?

    A- The Zabuton is level.

  16. #16
    Did we already tell the one about the Zen master and the Sailor?

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Gregor
    Did we already tell the one about the Zen master and the Sailor?
    I have not seen it, post it up!

    Gassho,
    Jordan

  18. #18

  19. #19
    A yogi goes into his dentist office. Just as the dentist is about to give him a shot of Novocaine, the Yogi puts his hand up and refuses, "No thanks, I transcend dental medication."

  20. #20

  21. #21
    I thought yesterday's was fun too...

  22. #22
    Two Buddhas don't walk into a bar.

    Ouch! :roll:


    G,W

  23. #23
    Treeleaf Unsui Nengei's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Gassho,
    Nengei
    Sat today. LAH.
    遜道念芸 Sondō Nengei (he/him)

    Please excuse any indication that I am trying to teach anything. I am a priest in training and have no qualifications or credentials to teach Zen practice or the Dharma.

  24. #24

  25. #25
    Then there’s the one about the Buddhist vacuum cleaner… comes with no attachments.

    Gassho, Shinshi

    SaT-LaH
    空道 心志 Kudo Shinshi
    I am just a priest-in-training, any resemblance between what I post and actual teachings is purely coincidental.
    E84I - JAJ

  26. #26
    合掌,生開
    gassho, Shokai

    仁道 生開 / Jindo Shokai

    "Open to life in a benevolent way"

    https://sarushinzendo.wordpress.com/

  27. #27
    One would think that, after 2500 years, we would have a few more excellent jokes than the "old standards!"

    If I hear the "hot dog saleman" one more time ... I am going to become a Presbyterian!

    We do have a few "Buddhist stand-ups" and such ... (sorry, I have not looked back at the for awhile, no promises on content) ...








    Gassho, Jundo

    stlah
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  28. #28
    IMG-20221123-WA0000.jpg

    Gasshō

    stlah, Kaitan
    Kaitan - 界探 - Realm searcher
    Formerly known as "Bernal"

  29. #29

  30. #30
    Kaitan - 界探 - Realm searcher
    Formerly known as "Bernal"

  31. #31
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitan View Post
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  32. #32
    Two zen monks are sitting in a Japanese bath. The first monk says to the second monk, “Pass the soap.“ The second monk replies, “No soap. Radio.“


    Gassho,
    Ryūmon (Kirk)
    Sat Lah
    流文

    I know nothing.

  33. #33
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryumon View Post
    Two zen monks are sitting in a Japanese bath. The first monk says to the second monk, “Pass the soap.“ The second monk replies, “No soap. Radio.“


    Gassho,
    Ryūmon (Kirk)
    Sat Lah
    The most Zen joke of all.






    https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQue...lease_explain/

    Gassho, J

    stlah
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  34. #34
    Member Do Mi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2023
    Location
    Pacific Northwest, United States
    What's the best gift for a zen master?

    A house, because they enjoy living in the present.

    Do Mi
    stlah

  35. #35

  36. #36
    IMG-20221123-WA0001.jpg

    Gasshō

    stlah, Kaitan
    Kaitan - 界探 - Realm searcher
    Formerly known as "Bernal"

  37. #37

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