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Thread: Practicing Zen when also a busy parent

  1. #51
    Joyo
    Guest
    I agree with Rich, this makes me sad too. I wish I lived closer, would take your kids for you and they could play with mine for awhile to give you both a break. You have a good attitude, Troy. That will help you for sure.

    I know what you mean, kids are a lot of work. I have two boys. To say they are a handful is an understatement. I have a soft, quiet voice and demeanor, but I've had to learn to become a strict army drill sergeant or they run wild and do not listen. My husband is a huge help, but yeah, still a lot of work. Before I had children, I had this romanticised view that it would be such a wonderful way to nurture and take care of a little human being. Well, as we all know, that's not exactly what it's like lol!

    Gassho,
    Joyo
    sat today

  2. #52

    Practicing Zen when also a busy parent

    Thank you Rich and Joyo. It is not as bad as it may seem at first because I work for a firm that contracts with different insurance companies. We can take assignments as we choose. My current assignment ends in June (although it may be extended) then I can take a few weeks off before looking for another one. The job pays really good too. I figure do it for a couple years to pay off some debt then get a "normal" job. Joyo you are welcomed to babysit anytime! Can I pencil you in for Thursday? It is my wife's birthday.


    ..sat2day•合掌
    Last edited by Troy; 05-04-2016 at 02:38 AM.

  3. #53
    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    Thank you Joyo for posting this and everyone for your responses. I can definitely relate. I have a 2 year old and 10 year old daughter. I took a new job in November that is two hours away from home where I am at work 11 hours a day 6 days a week. On my day off, I go home for the day and give Shellie a break from the kids which of course I love because I have not seen them all week. It may sound like I work a lot of hours but Shellie is busier than I am. She works 40hrs a week and takes care of the kids. Kids are a lot of work! Believe it.

    I have the same feelings I think a lot of parents have: I am doing enough and am I doing it right? I believe if we are both mentally and emotionally available everything else will fall into place. That is what I strive for any way.

    As far as practice is concerned I do my best. I try not to fight to hard against life. Sit when I can and accept every moment as practice. All of it the good, bad and the ugly, accept it and let it be. Its normal!


    ..sat2day•合掌
    I too wish you could find some situation which would let you pay the bills while having more time with the family, and more time to rest.

    In centuries past, when Zen and Buddhism spread through India, China and Japan, the serfs and peasants would work in the fields for countless hours, yet even they had could usually have their family close by. Today, we have a new kind of serfdom which separates families and works us to the bone.

    Gassho, Jundo
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  4. #54
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich View Post
    It makes me a little sad to read your story that a family has to work so much to survive. Almost like slavery with a little freedom to come and go or find a new master.
    Pretty much the new reality for the working class and much of the middle class, at least in the States. The good paying manufacturing jobs disappeared and quality of life with it. My grandmother stayed home with their kids until they left the house, and my grandfather retired at 55. They had a nice, but modest house and car. He was an engineering draughtsman, modest salary. But companies took care of employees then. He worked for his company from when he left college until he retired. I think that situation is only for the 1% these days.

    I'll get off my soapbox now... These are "first world" problems, of course...
    Last edited by Kaishin; 05-05-2016 at 11:17 AM.
    Thanks,
    Kaishin (開心, Open Heart)
    Please take this layman's words with a grain of salt.

  5. #55
    Thanks Kaishin. Agree with you, quality of life has deteriorated for many.

    Sat today

    Sent from my LG-LS720 using Tapatalk
    _/_
    Rich
    MUHYO
    無 (MU, Emptiness) and 氷 (HYO, Ice) ... Emptiness Ice ...

    https://instagram.com/notmovingmind

  6. #56
    Mp
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaishin View Post
    Pretty much the new reality for the working class and much of the middle class, at least in the States. The good paying manufacturing jobs disappeared and quality of life with it. My grandmother stayed home with their kids until they left the house, and my grandfather retired at 55. They had a nice, but modest house and car. He was an engineering draughtsman, modest salary. But companies took care of employees then. He worked for his company from when he left college until he retired. I think that situation is only for the 1% these days.

    I'll get off my soapbox now... These are "first world" problems, of course...
    Thank you Kaishin I couldn't agree with you more. It is sometimes heavy on the heart seeing how things are going.

    Gassho
    Shingen

    s@today
    Last edited by Mp; 05-05-2016 at 12:35 PM.

  7. #57
    Know how you feel, Kaishin.
    Both my wife and I work full time but still struggle to make ends meet. The car's due its MOT at the end of this month and I'm just hoping that it will get through without too much cost. A forlorn hope really because I know I'm running around on two bald tyres.

    Even at 57 I'm still relaying on my mother or in laws to help out now and again. They were beneficiaries of that post war settlement in both the UK and US that ensured a comfortable life for working people and retired with good packages. They are the few people left in my country - outside the super rich - with a generous living and they are the very people who consistently vote to remove those benefits for the succeeding generations. It's curious how working people conspired in their own impoverishment.
    Civic society is being dismantled in my country and I fear for my children's future.

    Wishing all well.
    Martyn
    Sat today

  8. #58
    I was wandering about how one practices Zen when not a busy parent?

    Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

  9. #59
    Quote Originally Posted by Jishin View Post
    I was wandering about how one practices Zen when not a busy parent?

    Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_
    Haha! That’s a different thread. Those of us without children are quietly tippy-toe-ing around the edges of the room and hiding behind the potted plants, because we have all learned, when in conversation with parents:

    1. Never complain about a lack of time.

    And even more important:

    2. Keep your brilliant child-rearing theories to yourself!

    It’s ok, this thread is for the Moms and Dads. You guys are awesome.

    We childless folks can commiserate on the "Waa!-It’s-All-About-Me-24/7-And-I-Still-Can’t-Get-To-The-Zafu" thread.

    Gassho
    Byōkan
    sat today

  10. #60
    Quote Originally Posted by Byokan View Post
    Haha! That’s a different thread. Those of us without children are quietly tippy-toe-ing around the edges of the room and hiding behind the potted plants, because we have all learned, when in conversation with parents:

    1. Never complain about a lack of time.

    And even more important:

    2. Keep your brilliant child-rearing theories to yourself!

    It’s ok, this thread is for the Moms and Dads. You guys are awesome.

    We childless folks can commiserate on the "Waa!-It’s-All-About-Me-24/7-And-I-Still-Can’t-Get-To-The-Zafu" thread.

    Gassho
    Byōkan
    sat today
    LOL! Byokan you are pretty awesome yourself. You don't have to hide behind the potted plants.

    We also need a thread for business-owner whining and commiseration. A small business is like a perpetually colicky infant that never grows up.

    Gassho,
    Jakuden
    SatToday

  11. #61
    Quote Originally Posted by Jakuden View Post
    We also need a thread for business-owner whining and commiseration. A small business is like a perpetually colicky infant that never grows up.
    True dat!

    Oh, we are all living lives of quiet desperation. Thank Dogs we have each other. Sangha.

    Gassho
    Byōkan
    sat today

  12. #62
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaishin View Post
    Pretty much the new reality for the working class and much of the middle class, at least in the States. The good paying manufacturing jobs disappeared and quality of life with it. My grandmother stayed home with their kids until they left the house, and my grandfather retired at 55. They had a nice, but modest house and car. He was an engineering draughtsman, modest salary. But companies took care of employees then. He worked for his company from when he left college until he retired. I think that situation is only for the 1% these days.

    I'll get off my soapbox now... These are "first world" problems, of course...
    The same thing is happening to folks here in Japan now. Before, they had long hours, but steady pay and a long term guaranty. Now, they often just have the long hours.

    We really need a change in our economic system.

    What can Zen Buddhism offer to the mess? Only that maybe we all need to live simply, separating the real necessities (food, housing, simple warm clothes, health care, safety, education, basic transport to get around) from the luxuries (almost anything else). It is a lesson I need to learn too, as I clean out the storeroom today with years of accumulated junk, and fool with installing Netflix on the too big TV. There are some excellent Zen and other "Buddhist Economics" books on living simply and focused on real needs ... both in our homes and in society in general. I think I will start making these a central focus of our Engaged Buddhist Center around here.

    Unfortunately, these days, folks must work two or more jobs just for the necessities like basic clothes and health care!

    Gassho, J

    SatToday (also a "necessity" in my book!)
    Last edited by Jundo; 05-05-2016 at 01:01 PM.
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  13. #63
    What's even tougher is trying to teach kids to live with less. All their friends have "stuff," and the hunger and poverty in the world is unreal to them. However, when they get out there with their college degree (hopefully) it will be even harder for them to afford the standard of living they had while growing up. I have hired more than one college graduate that couldn't find a job in their field, for only a few dollars an hour more than minimum wage.

    Gassho
    Jakuden
    SatToday

  14. #64
    Joyo
    Guest
    Kaishin, (and others) it's the same way where I live. Homes that were once selling for $82, 000 are now selling or $210, 000. Wages have not gone up, and it's hard to find a decent job. There are many part-time, casual jobs but that doesn't pay the bills. Groceries prices have skyrocketed. The only reason that I can work casual is because we bought our home 15 yrs ago, for a very low price. We've driven one vehicle for the 17 years we've been married. We've hardly travelled at all, and we live very minimal. And, my husband has university education and is an accountant. Crazy!! But we are happy with what we have, so I"m not complaining.

    It is hard with kids, Jakuden. They see all this stuff and want it. It makes me cringe looking at all their toys and yet they want more, more.

    Troy, I so wish I could babysit so you and your wife could go out!!!!! =)

    Gassho,
    Joyo
    sat today

  15. #65
    I'm not complaining, I have enough. My father was an appliance repairman and made enough to support a wife and four children. He was well respected and valued in the community, as evidenced by the huge turnout at his funeral which was an eye opener. What has changed? Why and how has the wealth become so concentrated? No simple answers. But structurally some things must change and I sense this frustration from many.

    SAT today
    _/_
    Rich
    MUHYO
    無 (MU, Emptiness) and 氷 (HYO, Ice) ... Emptiness Ice ...

    https://instagram.com/notmovingmind

  16. #66
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich View Post
    Why and how has the wealth become so concentrated? No simple answers. But structurally some things must change and I sense this frustration from many.

    SAT today
    Wealth is redistributed, not concentrated. Answers are simple. Things must change and it is frustrating.

    Gasho, Jishin, _/st\_

  17. #67
    I wouldn't be surprised to see intergenerational households coming back into popularity.
    Thanks,
    Kaishin (開心, Open Heart)
    Please take this layman's words with a grain of salt.

  18. #68
    Quote Originally Posted by Joyo View Post

    Troy, I so wish I could babysit so you and your wife could go out!!!!! =)

    Gassho,
    Joyo
    sat today
    Thanks Joyo! Its all good though. Her brother lives with us (a long story for another time, ha). He has agreed to babysit for Shellie so she can have a girls night out tomorrow. Then my boss is going to let me off early on Sat so I can get home at a decent time!

  19. #69
    Joyo
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Rich View Post
    My father was an appliance repairman and made enough to support a wife and four children.

    SAT today
    Wow, that's unheard of in today's world. It's very sad how things have changed.

    Gassho,
    Joyo
    sat today

  20. #70
    1% of the world's population possesses half the world's wealth. Wow! Amazing. But who are these people? This elite group of the super rich. I didn't know so I did some research. Well, here is were it gets kind of crazy, I am one of the super rich. Yep, no lie. Another surprise is (and I am making assumptions here) you may be too. If you make more than $34,000 a year, you are part of that super elite group. Of course this does not tell the whole story, but it certainly interesting to think about.

    Also, there is some encouraging news about the struggle against poverty. The is from the World Bank's website:

    "According to the most recent estimates, in 2012, 12.7 percent of the world’s population lived at or below $1.90 a day. That’s down from 37 percent in 1990 and 44 percent in 1981."

    Thought I would throw a little sunshine in to the conversation You may be super rich (although it may not feel like it) and we are making progress in the fight against poverty!



    ..sat2day•合掌

  21. #71
    Mp
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    1% of the world's population possesses half the world's wealth. Wow! Amazing. But who are these people? This elite group of the super rich. I didn't know so I did some research. Well, here is were it gets kind of crazy, I am one of the super rich. Yep, no lie. Another surprise is (and I am making assumptions here) you may be too. If you make more than $34,000 a year, you are part of that super elite group. Of course this does not tell the whole story, but it certainly interesting to think about.

    Also, there is some encouraging news about the struggle against poverty. The is from the World Bank's website:

    "According to the most recent estimates, in 2012, 12.7 percent of the world’s population lived at or below $1.90 a day. That’s down from 37 percent in 1990 and 44 percent in 1981."

    Thought I would throw a little sunshine in to the conversation You may be super rich (although it may not feel like it) and we are making progress in the fight against poverty!



    ..sat2day•合掌
    Here is an interesting video on the subject of wealth inequality.



    Gassho
    Shingen

    s@today

  22. #72
    A personal view ...

    I believe that capitalism is a wondrous system that has freed the power of progress and ingenuity to build a better world ... with miraculous advances in medicine, science, education and social/economic equality ... at least, compared to how things were in the past, throughout all human history. Even the poorest people in Western countries these days typically will live with greater safety and comfort than emperors of old. I often repeat the follow to remind folks of this too ...

    I often reflect that I live like a king compared to how even kings lived in centuries past. If one ever has a chance to visit the Palace of Versailles or any of the great homes from 200 or more years ago, one will first notice the absence of electricity, indoor plumbing (the servants would bring in chamber pots), refrigerators and microwave ovens, modern heating and air conditioners, televisions, radios, computers. One might also notice the absence of general sanitation, automobiles, modern medicine and the like. Please don't even ask how the servants lived in their homes! (In fact, much of the world outside the west ... even sometimes in it ... still lives so).

    So, it is hard for me to feel sorry for the little drafts and inconveniences in my own home which is big and more than spacious enough, with a garden (not quite the size of Versailles) and having all of the above. The fact is that even the typical home of a family under the poverty line these days in the west will still usually have many of the things that kings of old never dreamed of ... a fridge, electric lights, a microwave, constant entertainment on the tube, heat (hopefully), a phone, toilet, shower, recorded music at one's fingertips. Our rising expectations cause us never to be satisfied even when we live better than kings!

    That does not mean that I think it perfectly fine that many in my own country still live in violent and drug filled neighborhoods, in rat filled housing where kids live in terror. I do not, and it is the great disgrace of America that so many live in such way. I also dream of the day when everyone in the world can have access to the basics of life ... a warm place to sleep, health care, education, safety. We must keep striving until all our fellow human beings are so. I think it also fine that most of us might want to move to a home or neighborhood cleaner, quieter, safer than where one now finds oneself (my gosh, I think back to some of the horrible noisy and run down apartments I used to live in in rather dangerous neighborhoods. I am glad to be out).

    However, it is also so easy for us to have ever rising standards of what we "need", never realizing and satisfied with what we already have even if far from "perfect". Most of us live better than Louis XIV.
    http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showt...l=1#post131161
    Maybe what Buddhism can help us do is to focus and fine tune our system, keeping the best aspects but losing the excess, waste, environmental degradation, remaining social inequalities and injustice and the like ... knowing when to be satisfied with what we have even as we strive to make the world better ... knowing the intangible treasures of life are the true jewel, and not the stuff in stores for which we yell "more more more!" ...

    ... finding the best of both worlds ... a world in which we keep the best of our present economic system striving for advances in health, science, education and general living standards, yet infused with more of the simplicity, moderation, balance, non-consumerist values, generosity, sharing, peace and satisfaction of Buddhism.

    David Loy, the great Buddhist "futurist" and commentator, writes on such topics frequently.

    http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showt...rma-Living-Zen

    and

    http://www.davidloy.org/downloads/Lo...kening_ch1.pdf

    Gassho, J

    SatToday
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  23. #73

    Practicing Zen when also a busy parent

    Quote Originally Posted by Shingen View Post
    Here is an interesting video on the subject of wealth inequality.



    Gassho
    Shingen

    s@today
    Well, that took all the sunshine out the conversation, lol. But, yeah you are right there is still a lot of work to be done. I think the question we should be asking is what are we, the super rich, going to do about it? To think that me giving someone a $1.90 a day could double their income blows me away. But that is the good news, we can make a difference.
    Last edited by Troy; 05-06-2016 at 03:30 AM.

  24. #74
    Mp
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    Well, that took all the sunshine out the conversation, lol. But, yeah you are right there is still a lot of work to be done. I think the question we should be asking is what are we, the super rich, going to do about it? To think that me giving someone a $1.90 a day could double their income blows me away.
    I know, I am such a party pooper. Actually, you are correct in trying to find that silver lining in the mud and the muck ... so lets keep at it and find a good balance that works for everyone. =)

    Gassho
    Shingen

    s@today

  25. #75

  26. #76
    Mp
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    Oh boy, this was great Troy!!!

    Gassho
    Shingen

    s@today

  27. #77
    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    Hello,

    Thank you for the link.


    Gassho
    Myosha sat today
    "Recognize suffering, remove suffering." - Shakyamuni Buddha when asked, "Uhm . . .what?"

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