Walking in a Fog

[Kaiku]

I know I haven't said much around here lately, but I feel I get much more reading all of everyone's words and taking it all in. Watching the lessons and teachings from Jundo and Taigu and sitting with the recorded sessions on here is wonderful. And I look forward to participating in the study of the precepts and Jukai this year and perhaps talk with some of you even more.

I realized in my practice, even though I was not acknowledging it, that I was trying to "attain" something. I was trying to get to a "good" and "peaceful" place. I was trying to get this thing called enlightenment. I would tell myself:

"I am not trying to get these things, I am just going to practice, I am sitting here to sit Zazen and nothing more."

But in fact, through my practice and the quieting of these thoughts, or rather, acceptance of these thoughts, I found I was trying to get somewhere with our practice.

After this, I find practice as a expression of our true nature, not a practice used to get somewhere or to get something.

This wasn't something sudden. It has taken me many years of practice just to be truthful with myself and acknowledge the fact that I was chasing something with practice. For the first time in practice I found myself truly acknowledging these thoughts and letting them burn away. Suzuki Roshi words come to mind:

"Zazen practice is like walking in a fog; eventually your clothes get wet clear through."

I was hesitant about even writing about this, and just let all that be and continue practicing. But I guess I wanted to hear the words from the Sangha community about this.

I have to say for the first time in my life, even as I am typing this, I feel I am practicing in the moment and not trying to get somewhere. Or as Jundo has said, "Live gently."

Gassho Everyone

[Jundo]

[Byokan]

Hi Bobby,

this is beautiful! Thank you for sharing your practice

Gassho
Lisa

[Mp]

Wonderful Bobby, thank you. =)

Gassho
Shingen

[Nindo]

Sometimes we strive to attain, and sometimes we are able to let go. Waves bob up and down. Glad to hear you got yourself thoroughly wet.
Gassho,
Nindo

[Shinshi]

Sometimes we strive to attain, and sometimes we are able to let go. Waves bob up and down. Glad to hear you got yourself thoroughly wet.
Gassho,
Nindo

A beautiful response to a beautiful post.

Waves indeed.

Gassho,

Allan

[Joyo]

Sometimes we strive to attain, and sometimes we are able to let go. Waves bob up and down. Glad to hear you got yourself thoroughly wet.
Gassho,
Nindo

This is so well said, Nindo and I thank you for posting this. And Bobby, thank you for sharing. I too get caught up in wanting to attain something, then realize that, like everything else, is another thing (aka attachment) that can just be let go.

I think, for me, sometimes I find this practice incredibly difficult because of how I was raised---work, work, work, strive, strive, you are only a good person when you are a workaholic. For example, my mom was up until 1am the other night, baking buns!!!! I have realized, in my personal practice, that these thoughts and religious dogmas run long and deep in the very core of my brain. Thus, it's hard to let go, to not have expectations, to not be constantly striving. However, among the frustrations that I sometimes feel for not getting anywhere with Zen, hence, I am getting somewhere....right here, right now, where reality exists. I hope my amateur ramblings make some sense

Gassho,
Joyo

[Ongen]

Gassho

Vincent

[Kaiku]

Sometimes we strive to attain, and sometimes we are able to let go. Waves bob up and down. Glad to hear you got yourself thoroughly wet.
Gassho,
Nindo

[Kaiku]

This is so well said, Nindo and I thank you for posting this. And Bobby, thank you for sharing. I too get caught up in wanting to attain something, then realize that, like everything else, is another thing (aka attachment) that can just be let go.

I think, for me, sometimes I find this practice incredibly difficult because of how I was raised---work, work, work, strive, strive, you are only a good person when you are a workaholic. For example, my mom was up until 1am the other night, baking buns!!!! I have realized, in my personal practice, that these thoughts and religious dogmas run long and deep in the very core of my brain. Thus, it's hard to let go, to not have expectations, to not be constantly striving. However, among the frustrations that I sometimes feel for not getting anywhere with Zen, hence, I am getting somewhere....right here, right now, where reality exists. I hope my amateur ramblings make some sense

Gassho,
Joyo

I understand what you are saying. With the way I was raised I had some things I carried with me from childhood for a long time before I started Zazen practice.