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Thread: Mindfulness of Speech

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    Senior Member Seizan's Avatar
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    Sep 2012
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    Mindfulness of Speech

    Hi All,

    I'm a bit grateful at the moment for the heightened practice of Ango. After a wonderful practice partner talk with Yugen, I entered into a conversation with a very dear friend. This friend has hit a very rough patch with the person they are dating. That person has almost all the signs, and I really truly mean this, of being a sociopath. Of course this can only be diagnosed by a psychiatric specialist, but the signs are very visible. My friend is in a very abusive place, I feel, and is feeling very low at the moment (depressed, anxious.) When we were discussing the situation, I felt incredibly angry, and almost said some very unkind things about the partner. As I was formulating the thoughts something told me- stop. Think about this.

    And in the end, the conclusion I arrived at was very sad for the person abusing the love and compassion of my friend. However, there was that line that I had to somewhat approach. Love sees through rose colored glasses, right? My good friend was really exploring what THEY could have done wrong, doing some really sad soul searching for answers. While fault lies on both sides, as it does in every situation, my friend did not see AT ALL what their partner was pulling. So I strongly but cautiously voiced my concern, followed up by statements and facts that align with specific occurrences.

    Still, I felt a little bad. After all, the things I was saying, even with awareness, were not positive. But where is that line with practicing idiot compassion?? Sometimes it is not clear. Sometimes you HAVE to speak up to help someone you are feeling compassion towards- but sometimes it is hard to filter those words through the prejudice and anger that you yourself are feeling on their behalf. Especially when the things you have to say are not what they want or wish to hear, especially when they border on slander or ill-speech towards another person.

    I guess I just wanted to say that I was hyper aware of every word I said. The conversation as a whole was a true exercise in closely watching my speech, speaking the truth in the kindest and clearest way, and trying to be respectful to both sides. I am not sure I achieved these goals.

    Anyone else have a similar experience to share?

    Feeling a little bummed out, maybe confused.

    Gassho
    Seizan

    PS

    "True compassion does not shy away from causing pain when necessary. Causing pain is not the same as causing harm, by the way."
    (http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-pra...iot-compassion)

    In metta,
    Seizan
    Last edited by Seizan; 09-30-2013 at 03:31 AM.

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