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Thread: I Quit

  1. #1
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    I Quit

    My meditation practice has been nothing more than sitting with a racing mind. I have little time to read Zen book or study Buddhism. I have a library of Buddhist books on my bookshelf that are half read. I sat down one evening, early this week, and felt frustrated. Zen is supposedly a simple way to live. But my mind wants nothing to do with it, it wants to race, think, analyze, study, learn all the time and does not want to let go of attachments. I finally told myself I am quitting. I no longer sit and do "zazen" I no longer "practice Buddhism" I am done, I quit. And so I sat, with nothing, no labels, no pressure, no striving to achieve perfection or anything at all, for that matter. And, there it was, the clear blue sky!!!! And now as I sit, doing nothing, no zazen, no shikantaza, nothing at all, the clear blue sky keeps returning to me.

    And then I found this quote, and now I think, after practicing and studying Zen for a year, I finally understand what this is all about...

    “Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine”
    Shunryu Suzuki

    Gassho,
    Treena
    Last edited by Joyo; 07-08-2013 at 02:41 AM. Reason: just realized I am supposed to use my first name, sorry for the confusion

  2. #2
    Ah, and now Zazen really begins! Deep bows!

    Yes, that is correct: You little selfish self-mind "wants nothing to do with it, it wants to race, think, analyze, study, learn all the time and does not want to let go of attachments." It does not want to put all that down, even for a moment.

    This is more precious than all those unread Buddhist books on the shelf! There is "quitting", but then there is Big "Q" Quitting, which is really getting down the business!

    Nine bows! Jundo
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  3. #3
    Treeleaf Unsui Yugen's Avatar
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    Emmy,
    Bravo - Thank you for this teaching - this realization never loses its vitality - it is of great help to my own practice.

    Deep bows
    Yugen
    Treeleaf Sangha Shuso Ango Head October 2014
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Please take all my comments with a grain of salt - I am a novice priest and anything I say is to be taken with a good dose of skepticism - Shodo Yugen

  4. #4
    Wow Emmy ... Let the games begin and then fade away ... And begin again, then fade away ... I really enjoyed your post ... Thank you.

    Gassho
    Shingen
    倫道 真現

    As a trainee priest, please take any commentary by me on matters of the Dharma with a pinch of salt.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Myosha's Avatar
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    Thank you.


    Gassho,
    Edward
    Practice with humility, respect all beings, avoid attachments, give rise to prajña from your own awareness, put an end to delusions - Hui-neng

  6. #6
    Thank you Emmy,

    It's amazing how used we get to holding on to our gaining ideas that we no longer notice our hands are full.

    Gassho,
    Joe

  7. #7
    Hi.

    Thank you Emmy, so good of you to share this.
    And yes, its all good practice.

    Mtfbwy
    Fugen
    Treeleaf Unsui
    Blog: http://fugenblog.blogspot.com/

  8. #8
    Senior Member Daisho's Avatar
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    Thanks Emmy, that's what I like-need-want to hear!
    Gassho,

    Daisho


    (Jack K.)

  9. #9
    Friend of Treeleaf Taikyo's Avatar
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    Thanks Emmy - If that is quitting then I too quit!

    Gassho

    David

  10. #10
    Wonderful, Treena! Even when the clouds return, the clear blue sky is always there.

    Deep bow
    Andy

  11. #11
    Thanks Emmy - the only place to return to is Quitting - I find I have to do it over and over again

    Gassho

    Willow

  12. #12
    Senior Member Heisoku's Avatar
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    I am also quitting.
    Gassho.
    Heisoku
    平 息

  13. #13
    Thanks for sharing your quitting.
    yahoo!!

  14. #14
    Junior Member Olli's Avatar
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    Really insiping topic and post Emmy, huge thanks!

  15. #15
    Lovely!

    Gassho,

    Timo
    no thing needs to be added

  16. #16
    Blue Mountain White Clouds Hermitage Priest Taigu's Avatar
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    Well undone, sweetie

    Gassho


    T.
    Last edited by Taigu; 07-06-2013 at 01:18 PM.
    Taigu, teacher at Treeleaf Sangha, was born in 1964, started Zazen early and received Shukke Tokudo in 1983 at age 18 from Rev. Mokusho Zeisler of the Deshimaru Lineage. Received Dharma Transmission from Chodo Cross in 2002. Now resides in Osaka, Japan.

  17. #17
    Treeleaf Unsui Shokai's Avatar
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    This is G-R-E-A-T !!
    So, when do we get to see a picture of Emmy?
    (and don't tell us they don't have cameras out in B.C. )

    gassho,
    gassho, Shokai, still learning the way and knowing nothing
    仁道 生開 - Jindo Shokai "Open to life in a benevolent way"
    Just another itinerant monk; go somewhere else to listen to someone who really knows.

  18. #18
    Senior Member KellyRok's Avatar
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    Wonderful post Treena! It's when you quit that you fully realize you can truly begin...again and again and again.

    Gassho,
    Kelly/Jinmei

  19. #19
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    thank you everyone, I'm glad this post inspired so many other people. It's amazing how that ego can creep in to our subconscious, now, as I sit, no more ego, just sitting with no "games"

    And Shokai, I know, I tried posting one the other day but I think it had too many pixels. So how do I make it smaller? I also have a facebook picture that I could post, but I'm not sure how to do that since that picture is from my mom's facebook account (I'm from Saskatchewan, so no, there are no cameras here )

    Gassho everyone!!

  20. #20
    Treeleaf Unsui Dosho's Avatar
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    Deep bows Emmy...a wonderful lesson for us all.

    Gassho,
    Dosho
    Shudo Dosho - Ordained Priest-in-Training
    With your help and guidance from Jundo & Taigu
    I am learning, but please take what I say with a
    grain of salt, especially in matters of the Dharma.

  21. #21
    Treeleaf Engineer Seimyo's Avatar
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    Well done Emmy! Like Dosho said, a very good lesson for us all.

    Gassho
    Seimyo

    明 Seimyō (Christhatischris)

  22. #22
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shokai View Post
    This is G-R-E-A-T !!
    So, when do we get to see a picture of Emmy?
    (and don't tell us they don't have cameras out in B.C. )

    gassho,

    Well, I got it to work. So, yes, now i can prove we do have cameras, even in Saskatchewan!!!

    And my apologies for the confusion, but my name is actually Treena. I read tonight that we are supposed to use our real name, not our avatar name. So, from now on I will sign as Treena.

    Gassho

  23. #23
    Kidd you not. After 7 years I quit about a month ago. It all became a hassle, a burden; I wans't finishing books, zazen alone felt a waste.
    Still at sangha I was able to sit the 40 mx2; but at the end I knew it was over, no more Zen Buddhism for moi.
    Then I got sick. A zit in my nose became...wel disgusting. Dr said take all thes anitbiotics or you WILL die soon. Some thing about nose being connected to the brain...I digres. Then not even sangha, took pleasure in having an excuse not to go. I remained in a detached mood for a week and a half, full of penecillin and some painkillers.
    Somewhere in there I sat. Change my Enso timer to 20m from 30 and Just friggin sat.
    I remember dropping monkeymind easier than ever before. I just sat!
    Now it is becoming a real regular 5 am thingy.
    Well, there it is. Dump the crap and breath.
    In gassho,
    Ed
    Last edited by Ed; 07-09-2013 at 05:47 PM.
    "Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
    Dogen zenji in Bendowa






  24. #24
    Wonderful Ed! That pimple was a Third Eye!

    Gassho, J
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  25. #25
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    Ed, 5am, wow that is fantastic!! And yeah, best meditation advice--just dump the crap and breath

    Gassho,
    Treena

  26. #26
    Treeleaf Unsui Shokai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ed View Post

    Well, there it is. Dump the crap and breath(e).
    Ya gotta love it, perhaps we should consider an addendum to our motto
    gassho, Shokai, still learning the way and knowing nothing
    仁道 生開 - Jindo Shokai "Open to life in a benevolent way"
    Just another itinerant monk; go somewhere else to listen to someone who really knows.

  27. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by Shokai View Post
    Ya gotta love it, perhaps we should consider an addendum to our motto
    I second that ... wonderful Ed, just wonderful.

    Gassho
    Shingen
    倫道 真現

    As a trainee priest, please take any commentary by me on matters of the Dharma with a pinch of salt.

  28. #28
    Jundo, I went to the Dr reluctantly. When I saw his face it scared me to the bone. He did say I was there just in time. Now it seems the problem was part of the attitude and the result part of the practice. Even as I quit I was never sure what it was I was quiting, but things got simplified mucho fast.
    In gassho to all in this active sangha,
    Ed
    "Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
    Dogen zenji in Bendowa






  29. #29
    Great! And never matter when (not if!) the clouds return. The sky is still there
    Gassho,
    Kaishin

  30. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaishin View Post
    Great! And never matter when (not if!) the clouds return. The sky is still there
    Oh, this is so so so vital!

    For Shikantaza to really be "Right" (strange as it sounds) it must be "right just as it is" even on those many days when it feels all wrong! If it is only "Right" when feeling "right", it is not truly transcendent and encompassing of "right or wrong" on an off the cushion.

    More here ...

    Right Zazen and Wrong Zazen
    http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showt...nd-Wrong-Zazen

    It is crazy-sane that way ... and very much unlike most of life which we constant worry about "measuring up" and "getting right". We "get it right" by sitting beyond "getting right", and we "get it wrong" when we try too hard to "measure up and get it just right"

    Gassho, J
    Last edited by Jundo; 07-11-2013 at 07:25 AM.
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  31. #31
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jundo View Post
    Oh, this is so so so vital!

    For Shikantaza to really be "Right" (strange as it sounds) it must be "right just as it is" even on those many days when it feels all wrong! If it is only "Right" when feeling "right", it is not truly transcendent and encompassing of "right or wrong" on an off the cushion.

    More here ...

    Right Zazen and Wrong Zazen
    http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showt...nd-Wrong-Zazen

    It is crazy-sane that way ... and very much unlike most of life which we constant worry about "measuring up" and "getting right". We "get it right" by sitting beyong "getting right", and we "get it wrong" when we try too hard to "measure up and get it just right"

    Gassho, J
    Jundo, thank you very much for this and all the other videos and posts you have here about zazen. I am still very much a beginner, but I can tell I've changed. I had a very challenging day today. Normally I would have felt completely overwhelmed and unable to handle my anxiety. Today, it was still difficult, definitely a rainy day, but with the help of your posts and with practicing zazen, I have been able to just let it be. Tonight, I can go to bed and be at peace, without the worry and anxiety that used to control me so much of the time. Rainy days are just rainy, sunny days are just sunny, right. And I sat, for 20 min tonight, and the racing mind was just no longer there like it used to be. Big, big thanks!!

    Gassho,
    Treena

  32. #32

    5 am

    Quote Originally Posted by Emmy View Post
    Ed, 5am, wow that is fantastic!! And yeah, best meditation advice--just dump the crap and breath

    Gassho,
    Treena
    I am up at 5 no matter what.
    I, maybe read, streach, etc and sit.
    But not on weekends .
    Last edited by Ed; 07-12-2013 at 01:07 PM.
    "Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
    Dogen zenji in Bendowa






  33. #33
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ed View Post
    I am up at 5 no matter what.
    I, maybe read, streach, etc and sit.
    But not on weekends .
    My son was up at 5am this morning and I now feel like I have a hangover. I do get up early, usually around 6:30, but wow, 5 is early, applause to you!!

  34. #34

    Nomatter

    Quote Originally Posted by Emmy View Post
    My son was up at 5am this morning and I now feel like I have a hangover. I do get up early, usually around 6:30, but wow, 5 is early, applause to you!!
    Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
    It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
    At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
    The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
    I'm free.
    This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
    The practice is doing me.

    "Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
    Dogen zenji in Bendowa






  35. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by Ed View Post
    Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
    It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
    At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
    The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
    I'm free.
    This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
    The practice is doing me.


    Lovely.
    ALL OF LIFE IS OUR TEMPLE

  36. #36
    Senior Member Ekai's Avatar
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    Thank you Treena for your beautiful post.

    Gassho,
    Ekai

  37. #37
    Senior Member Joyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ed View Post
    Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
    It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
    At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
    The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
    I'm free.
    This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
    The practice is doing me.

    Thanks, Ed. That is awesome!! I think the biggest hurdle I have to overcome in regards to sitting is to not turn it into a dogmatic religious-type thing. I grew up that way, very, very religious. In breaking away from my childhood religion, the last thing I want to do is create another tradition, for myself, that has the same sort of attitude.

    Gassho,
    Treena

  38. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by Ed View Post
    Sit whenever however. Dump the crap and sit, just sit.
    It is best to do it at the same time daily or every other day. You decide.
    At 70, I wake up early and then read this or that, or have tried to stay abreast of new books, etc. Always a goal, trying to become....?
    The hell with that. No more. I just sit. 20 m is perfect for me now. Tonite I go to sangha and we sit 40, if that turns into another goal, the hell with it. I wil probaly get up slowly and do kinhin or just leave.
    I'm free.
    This way what is happening is that I am actually looking forward to stuff: sit, read, prepare some tea. The cats love it.
    The practice is doing me.

    Thank you Ed.

    Thank you to everyone who has shared on this thread.

    Gassho,

    Joe

  39. #39
    Treena look, create yor own tradition.
    Constancy in zazen, some studying you look forward to, settles your practice in intimacy. Allow it in, soon it is a part of you.
    Even in the fog of daily turmoil my pracitce is me and I it, not two.
    I go to mass often, my old tradition, because of my zazen I get so deeply into the liturgy it's ...well, personal, intimate. It owns me.
    Trying to have no goals is a goal in itself.
    You are free. Declare it to yourself.

    In gassho to all.
    "Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha-dharma and nothing can be compared to it....it is not the practice of one or two buddhas but all the buddha ancestors practice this way."
    Dogen zenji in Bendowa






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