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Thread: Split thread: Who avoids death in buddhism?

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    Split thread: Who avoids death in buddhism?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daizan View Post
    The immediate fruit of zazen is zazen. Sitting and “just being”. But then there is getting up off the cushion and living life, and the tedium of having our efforts at “getting it together” fail over and over. Every day we sit, and sitting is still just sitting... but somehow realizing your true self is the sound of the rain doesn't pay the bills, so there is still life off the cushion.... which is not always so sweet as rain on the temple roof. Off the cushion there is only the pretense of “just being”. I say pretense because although the sound of the rain is your true self, so is the tax audit, or a friends death. Underneath playing at “just being” we still wiggle and scheme as much as always to avoid being old age, disease, and death. The good news is these schemes fail.

    Sitting every morning.. bum on cushion, light on the floor, the muffled thump of the washing machine. Then getting up and having my pretensions and games fall apart yet again. Then sitting again. It's as easy as dirt.

    Gassho Daizan/Richard
    Daizan - I am so glad that you still pop in from time to time because the above words have really helped me.

    Forgive me if I have put my own spin on your words and not fully understood.

    This holding together simultaneously a sense of the absolute and wholeness, and our struggle with the day to day difficulties of life in the world, is a position I fail to achieve over and over again.

    The test of my ability to hold to this practice was my daughter's critical illness 5 months ago (she is still ill). Within myself I totally lost it - there were times when I entered a dark space that no amount of belief or practice of Zazen could touch or help with.

    I'm not sure that I would identify the above level of distress with the wiggling and scheming you mention ( though I understand what you mean - we do fall into that too) - it's just that in those moments of intense fear and concern for my daughter's well being - pure love seemed inevitably bound with pure agony. To be aiming for unity and wholeness in those moments of total fragmentation feels like a sort of 'wiggling' to me - reaching the wholeness - a sense of peace - possibly involves walking through fire with no protection.

    In another thread (Attention is Attention) Jundo wrote of a 'healthy schizophrenia' - and also expressed a concern (exasperation ?) that people just don't get it.

    It isn't really that I don't get it - getting 'it' mentally isn't the problem - living it is the problem.

    I feel I'm at some kind of crossroads here because the sticking point for me (and has been all along) is that there's a voice inside my head that constantly questions whether (for me - this is NOT a judgement of any one else's practice) I can ever feel truly authentic living this 'healthy schizophrenia' in moments of total existential pain/doubt.

    I think these thoughts have been expressed here by others before - and those individuals inevitably leave because they do not feel they belong. I wrote on the other thread that I felt that a process was taking place and I needed to be patient. I hope this is the case because Tree Leaf is important to me and I've gained a great deal from being here - but I don't want to turn into one of those people who are always arguing the toss and won't accept the basic premiss.

    I need to take some time out from the message board to sit with this.

    Thank you for your practice Daizan and every one else at Tree Leaf.

    Gassho

    Willow
    Last edited by Jundo; 05-24-2013 at 08:35 AM.

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