I am a little late to the game on this one. On selfishness and suicide I give you one man's perspective on the experience (or near experience, I guess).
Is it selfish for an animal in excruciating pain caught in a leg trap to chew it's leg off? Is it selfish for the man who has been chased by a lion and just about escaped, to collapse in exhaustion before reaching the safety of the cave just behind the hill which he can't see? Unfortunate yes, but I wouldn't term it selfish. Would it have been good if there were a person on the hill to tell him that safety was barely within reach? Yes, but in the lack of that information I don't think "selfish" is the correct term for succumbing to excruciating trial. That has been my experience with suicide (I fortunately called the hotline as soon as I noticed the signs and compelling urges coming on but many are not sufficiently self aware to separate their thoughts from who they are). We are often quick to condemn the person when they succeed in suicide rather then think of all the days they gave us, in which they were fighting and giving themselves to us despite excruciating mental anguish. Each day a chronically mentally ill person we love lives is a gift to all of us and if they happen to collapse in "suicide" one day because the battle became too much and another step was just too much, I believe we should reflect and enjoy their continued life through our memories of the many gifts they gave to us. If we do happen to be on the hill and see the haggard desperate prey of the lion approach, we should give the encouragement of safety and perhaps lighten their load enough that they may give us one more day if they can, but really, only they know their full circumstances, so if they collapse at our feet, we should not judge, we should be grateful for what they gave us in my opinion.
Anyway, I am not a professional, I am just one person that has had experiences and these are my insights from them. If Buddhism has one thing that can't be undersold it is the concept of dealing with pain. So many other philosophies promise respite in the afterlife or through miracles that may or may not arrive and lead to disappointment, Buddhism has a very down to earth approach that is replicable across different people, no deity is necessarily needed other than for perhaps instruction or example. Of course, this is only once one has reached a therapeutic level through professional help, medications and such if you are beset with a mental illness.
Much metta Anneliese. The family of a person with severe mental illness often have great suffering as well. I hope you have healed from the bad experiences and have at least some fond memories upon which you can enjoy.
Gassho,
Paul
Sat today