‘Mind and body drop away’. ‘Letting go.’ These kinds of phrases I have read or heard from studying this practice of zazen have sometimes left me quite confused as to what to do or which way to go. The more I thought, the more I knew that this ‘thinking’ was opposite to the essence of zazen practice (Jundo and Taigu say this in every teaching they have done and I have read or heard!!),BUT it still continues, like a little background programme you forgot was pre-installed on your computer but slows down whatever process you want to run.I guess our natural tendency to conceptualise what such phrases mean set off these mini background ‘thinking programmes’?
Well something has happened for me as a result of all these years of sitting doing nothing, supposedly for no particular reason. I found myself this morning just feeding the chickens and watching the sunrise through some heavy looking clouds, before realising that I wasn’t actually thinking about what I couldn’t understand or was supposed to understand. In fact I was quite happy knowing that I didn’t know. Now this was not a thought realisation, but more an awareness realisation that seemed to arise with just watching the sun. I guess it is just accepting my ignorance and being happy that I am not ignorant of my ignorance as much as I had once been. It was such a simple moment, but it seemed to shut down many of those mini background thoughts that I cannot understand why I hadn’t realised this before? But before I set off another set of background thoughts I will be happy in this small moment.
I just felt like sharing this in gratitude for all of the posts from which I have learnt so much and to being part of Treeleaf. Thanks, in Gassho to all.
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