Split thread - sloth & the motivated buddhist
[JUNDO NOTE: SPLIT FROM OUR "NURTURING SEEDS PRACTICE" THREAD http://www.treeleaf.org/forums/showt...Seeds-PRACTICE ]
I appreciate that this thread is now quite old but I do have a continuous frustration in my life that has a great hold over me. I have been reading from books, surfing the net and u-tube in particular to find help to overcome what could be seen, from the list of bad seeds above, as sloth. I will also call it procrastination, a lack of will, desire for life and generally not knowing a true purpose. Generally I am quite active for periods of time, but find myself, when faced with things that need doing; e.g studying for a part-time degree that I'm struggling with, going to Karate training, training at home, that I am frustrated and lack motivation to continue hence I don't do anything and can't face making progress. I wonder if I am aiming for the right things in life and from this feel weak and without drive and commitment. This results in very low self-esteem, having no direction and purpose.
From the list I suppose I am growing fear, discontent, sloth, sadness and frustration. I don't know how to cultivate the positive seeds without direction and purpose. I have a great family and I know I want to be strong and loving for them, but I need to find respect and love for myself. Every time I try to make a renewed effort to do things to change I over complicate (by writing lists of how I should change) and end up in failure and frustration which leads to passing my days in procrastination and sloth, and not doing anything positive.
Read a quote by an old Indian philosipher today that affected me.
"Self control will place one among the gods, while lack of it will lead to deepest darkness".