Ego Orgasm

I was coming out of a bad mind-place recently by pondering how I had gotten there. To keep it simple, what got me there was lack of awareness. How I became aware of that lack is interesting, so I thought it worth sharing.

I was sitting there trying to bring into awareness all the ways that my life could be better, all the things my Ego ever wanted for but didn't get, all my unfulfilled desires that frustrated me and caused me to act in sometimes self-destructive ways. As a little exercise in this, I decided to make a list of what my life would look like if all my life's desires got fulfilled all at one time, and the name I gave my list was Ego Orgasm. It was a very interesting exercise. I recommend you try it. When you are done, read your list and then write your reaction to it at the bottom. My reaction was:
HaHaHaHAHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa
Reading those desires all together like that was the most ridiculous thing ever! No person could ever expect all their desires filled in all avenues of life by all the people in their life, all of which is given completely freely by them without any personal effort on your part, in any of a thousand lifetimes. Yet there that stuff is lurking in our minds all the time anyway, sometimes leading us to destructive behaviors. Or maybe it's just me. Talk about delusions!

But really, what is an ego orgasm? An idea, and a fun one, too.
What were all those desires on the ego orgasm list? Ideas, and things to let go of, too.
How is this helpful? Because now whenever I catch myself thinking in some way about how my life could be better I remind myself that it's just my ego trying to reach an orgasm, and then I chuckle as I let that idea go. (BTW, I call each individual desire ego foreplay, lol)
How can someone truly achieve all of their life's desires? Let all those ideas holding you back from the life you have in the here and now go.
Sit
Zen

Deep Gassho.

Thanks for the sharing!
Taking stock, clearing out ridiculous inventory!

Gassho
Shohei

Hey Alan,

Other than the ridiculousness of a universe that caters to your whim, did you stay with the "I got everything I ever wanted fantasy" long enough for your mind to get itchy for yet another fulfilled wish?

Chet

The itchiness never stops, Chet. For example, my ego wanted particular types of responses to this thread. It expected to have people respond with jokes about orgasms and foreplay, and because that didn't happen my ego experienced a bit of dukka. (Honest, but weird, huh). But then I had to catch myself and say,

Quote:

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"Hey wait a minute, that's just my ego looking for some orgasmic opportunity. The idea that people need to respond at all, or that they have to respond in a certain way, is just ego foreplay, so drop that idea and move on with the forum thread as it is."

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These ego desires are endemic to our experience, but they happen so fast and seductively that we don't even see them, that is until we've had lots of practice time on the cushion to the point where we can slow experience down enough to be able to see them and call them out. I don't expect to ever be able to catch them all because that would just be another ego orgasmic idea. All I can do is keep practicing, and this is one of the (empty) forms my practice has taken lately.

Did this answer your question?

I desire multiple egorgasms!

Nice try, and I appreciate the effort, but too late. Ego wants it all with no effort at all, but since it was announced that's what Ego wants, he is no longer satisfied by what he wants. Ego is a (frigid) bastard :twisted:

Ego is a bitch, so stop bitching about Ego and make your Ego YOUR bitch!

Trying to learn Urban English. :mrgreen:

Ego is little more than a math error. Its persistence is what's problematic.

IMHO

Chet

Ego is a Zero.
Persistence? You are kidding?
(and at the same time, you are not)
It is not its persistence that is problematic, just you-me believing it's real. That's the problem.

By the way, why don't you join our rohatsu?
And zazenkai?
And all the rest of it?

You should feel-be really at home, Chet.

If you don't, it's OK.
Everything is OK.( almost)

gassho


T.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by disastermouse

Ego is little more than a math error

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taigu

Ego is a Zero

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So, here goes! :D

Divide reality by Zero and you get a math error (try dividing anything by zero and you'll see!)
Divide reality by One and you get nonduality, the truth and eternal life!
Divide reality by Two and you get dualism, or only half the truth

Hey! Zen is easy! :lol:

/Pontus

PS. I'll go sit now... DS.

great, Ponthus.

here and there.

great.


How is your practice?


T.

Practice is quiet and steady, the way I want it to be for now. Thanks for asking!
How is yours?

I went a little too fast before. I was trying to study Dogen and I was going to a Sesshin with Okumura Roshi when reality slapped me in the face. I needed that. I even stopped sitting for a while. I may have needed that too, I'm not sure. I knew it would happen sooner or later because that's who I am. Now I'm taking it slow again. So, no Rohatsu for me I'm afraid! :wink:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taigu

I met people who were doing everything so well and so diligently...just to stop a couple of years down the line. It is important to cultivate a very quiet, steady, ordinary way. To let practice make the ordinary shine and reveal the ground of this extraordinary practice as nothing special.

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/Pontus

Th ego I've been talking about wants the next thing, thinking the more it gets the closer it gets to some goal. I called it orgasm for fun. So it's like a math error:
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+(infinity)=something
And when you keep running this equation over and over again in your life, something we all do in one form or another, then it's a persistent math error, and that's dukka, because the equation never adds up to anything.

Lots and lots of zen practice helps us realize this:
1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+(infinity)=0
That ego adds up to nothing. So drop the math. Stop persistently trying to find the next thing and just sit with the 1/-1 that is right now, and that's the release from dukka, because you realize the equation and everything about it is empty.

The sooner you are able to start seeing those 1's as ego foreplay, the quicker you can drop the equation. So keep sitting.

Happy Rohatsu, everyone.
May it be ego-less.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Taigu

Ego is a Zero.
Persistence? You are kidding?
(and at the same time, you are not)
It is not its persistence that is problematic, just you-me believing it's real. That's the problem.

By the way, why don't you join our rohatsu?
And zazenkai?
And all the rest of it?

You should feel-be really at home, Chet.

If you don't, it's OK.
Everything is OK.( almost)

gassho


T.

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Yes, Taigu! Thank you for the much needed correction. Ego is not persistent.

When I said ego was a math error, it was in reference to the skandas - piles of things that appear to add up to something but don't.