My understanding has always been that as soon as I feel "enlightened" I am not enlightened, so my practice is to (non)try to drop enlightenment.
It is hard to express how much this koan meant to me here. I had to draw it and frame it and put it up in my room. I have been familiar with the phrases
Oh, where to begin…
First thought: When I moved into m first apartment, my mom told me that after my grandmother died my grandfather lived
Aha! The koan of multiple koans at once has been unleashed!
To take it all in must mean samsara abounds
Which must mean enlightenment threatens.