I think this is due to me realising that some of my preconceived ideas about it, and what it will do for me, are just bull poop. Its like I've hit a little seam of mental/physical resistance.
I currently see Zazen a bit like a boring university lecture that I just know I have to go to but am not overly happy about. The frustration is just a result of that little part of me that had my 'enlightenment' all worked out in advance not getting its sweet, sweet makey-uppey apples.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm good with this. I'm grateful for it.
This is how it has been going: Boredom and frustration arise when I sit, I get the physical feelings in my stomach which tell me I'm bored and frustrated. Then I start thinking the thoughts:- "Oh, what a waste of time", "I want to move a bit, I NEED to move a bit, I deserve to move a bit", "am I doing it right" etc etc... I generally no longer move though, maybe only to straighten my back.
Sometimes such feelings and thoughts last for quite a time but, almost invariably, I'm good with them by the end of practice; everything finds space and we don't bother each other really. So, by that time, boredom may be there, but I'm not really being bored if you get my drift. This seems like an important process for, after tonight's particularly boring sitting, I felt that everything really was contained in the action of 'just sitting', that it could swallow everything up and make it real.
Regards,
Harry.
PS. I think I'll post this on my blog so you can let rip anonymously at how crappy your Zazen is without fear of being exposed as a Zen fraud.
http://bodhiarmour.blogspot.com/
